FIGHT TO THE OTHER SIDE: Hilary Roberts on Suffering, Freedom, and Sharing her Mafia Gifts

Photographer VIKTORIJA PASHUTA @viktorija_pashuta
Glam KATHERINE MONCADO @beautybykathh
Words by KIMBERLY HADDAD

When one mentions the name Hilary Roberts, the immediate association is often with her powerful voice in mainstream pop, country, and gospel music. However, beyond her vocal talents lies a woman of untiring strength and character. Roberts has overcome some of the darkest experiences a woman can withstand, emerging with a renewed sense of self-love and compassion for those facing similar struggles. An individual of immense inspiration, she has a kind heart and a great love for life and the world around her. To know Hilary Roberts is a privilege, indeed.

With the release of her empowering song “Woman to Woman,” and plans for more music, as well as a series of upcoming conferences to share her story of healing and liberation, Roberts believes in cherishing every moment in life, not just surviving it. Standing by her belief, she remains committed to living as a woman of integrity and absolute freedom.

Share a brief overview of your background, beliefs, and values. For those unfamiliar with your name, what are the key aspects you want them to understand about who you are as a woman?
Music has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I used to watch old musicals and loved getting lost in the storylines and songs. My father listened to blues and jazz, my mother listened to opera and classical music, my brother listened to classic rock, and in school, I was introduced to R&B, which I loved. I found that I had a gift for singing at the age of 10. I landed just about every part that I auditioned for. It was a great escape for me until I became an alcoholic and drug addict at 14. I grew up in an unprotected home, with my parents divorcing when I was two and suffering horrific sexual abuse by different perpetrators from the age of three. I was eventually trafficked when I was 16. I struggled so much to get sober. In the process, I ruined four major record deals because I couldn’t stop. In my 20s, I finally got sober with the help of an amazing woman and a recovery program. Once I accepted the suggestions and took the necessary actions, my life began to change, but it was not easy. Going through the months of cravings, I experienced nightmares from past abuse, for which I got professional help. I had to learn about the patterns from my past and the beliefs that kept me in narcissistic and abusive relationships. It has been a journey, but today, I have an incredible freedom that I never thought I could have. I have made peace with my past and no longer carry the shame I held for so long. I learned to be my own best friend, to love myself, and not accept unacceptable behavior. I believe it is important to use my gifts to help others heal from the darkness of their pasts. I believe life is meant to be celebrated and not endured. I never thought that was possible until I walked through the fire to get to the freedom. I’m so grateful I never gave up. I am now married to the most beautiful man who is respectful, kind, loving, and safe. Today, I know I am worthy of that kind of love.

You released your self-titled EP in 2020, which explores the experiences you have faced in recent years, including heartbreak, redemption, frustration, and success. How has your journey with music and creativity helped you heal?
The music I am so privileged to create has been like therapy for my soul. Through my songs, I’ve been able to process the journey I have been on. At times, it is what I’m currently walking through, and it’s healing to express those feelings through creativity. My producer and brother from another mother, Damon Sharpe, took me under his wing in 2017 and has been an incredible support in guiding me with songwriting, singing, and moving through my feelings while creating. He has been my greatest cheerleader and support in my career. I remember when I was 47 on the Billboard charts and it felt like I was No. 1 because people said I couldn’t make it. They said I was too old, and it was too late. Then I reached No. 10 with the song “There for You” and No. 1 with my remake of “Back to Life.” But truly, the greatest honor I have had with any song is the song that we wrote that saved my friend’s life, called “Fight to the Other Side.” There is nothing greater than helping to save someone’s life.

In what ways do you believe creativity is interconnected with emotional regulation and coping strategies for maintaining overall wellbeing?
My former opera teacher, Alexander Rom, used to tell me, “Little bird, your singing and songwriting is like a mafia gift you cannot refuse. You will suffer if you do not create.” I have found this to be true. If I don’t give a healthy and creative outlet to my feelings or I ignore my gifts, I tend to act out and turn to self destructive behaviors. I think this is true for all humans. When we find ways to ground ourselves and express our feelings, whether through writing, art, songs, or whatever else makes your heart release, it helps us process feelings and heal. It also boosts our self-esteem. Some wonderful people have told me that in order to have self-esteem, you have to engage in esteem-able acts. I must take action to achieve results.

Can you tell me about the Red Songbird Foundation and what this organization means to you?
In 2009, I began helping people access therapy, whether that was sobriety or trauma treatment. I wanted others to have the same freedom that I had received. In 2019, I formally started the Red Songbird Foundation. We have helped many people and given away millions of dollars in scholarships. It was important for me to share my story to help others overcome shame and pain from the abuse they endured. I also wanted to help people overcome the shame associated with being an alcoholic or drug addict, to let them know there is a freedom from all of those things. You can have a life filled with joy and love, and you can thrive despite your past. I have been able to share my story all over the world and speak about the things I never thought I would talk about. I have found that my dark past is a gift to others suffering in the same way that I did. It’s also helpful to the families and friends of those who may not understand what a person is going through.

Can you describe a specific experience in which you had to relearn something in order to challenge your beliefs or break a stigma?
I used to believe that my past defined my future. I believed that because I had done the things I had done, I could never be lovable or worthy again. I thought that if people knew everything about me, they would think horribly about me, the same way I thought about myself. I bought into that lie for many years and acted out according to that belief system. When I realized that I was subconsciously inviting the same situations into my adult life that I had endured as a child, things began to change. I started living my life as a woman of integrity. I started sharing who I truly was, no matter what anybody thought. I started setting boundaries and not allowing any type of abuse. When I started sharing who I truly was, people loved me for who I was. And for the people who are not safe—the narcissists, takers, or abusers—they are not allowed in my life.

Can you recount a heartfelt moment from your experience working with various organizations and explain how it has influenced your views on the importance of giving back to the community?
My friend, Lauri Burns, runs an organization called The Teen Project, with facilities to help teenagers and women who have been trafficked. It is a place that I wish was around when I was younger and going through what I was going through. When I met the courageous ladies from The Teen Project and had the privilege of sharing my story, it truly touched my soul. Burns even provides space for pregnant women and those who are already mothers so they can stay with their children while getting well. These women have left dangerous situations to live in a place that completely changes their lives. They are given the opportunity to rebuild and create an amazing life. They have so much courage.

Alongside your sobriety, you battled a rare congenital heart condition that nearly ended your life. How have these tough experiences changed your outlook on life, love, and inner strength, and what guidance would you offer to those confronting similar challenges?
My congenital heart defect was not found until the fall of 2009. When the surgeon told me that I had a 50 percent chance of surviving, it was really scary. Before the surgery, I started doing things that I either had wanted to do or that I had been afraid to do. I started checking off a bucket list. I wanted to make sure I would do as much as possible if I wouldn’t make it through. My mentor since 2004, Polly Pistole, told me to write down every way in which I had helped others or made a difference. I also wrote down my goals and plans if I survived. I remember waking up from the surgery and feeling so happy to be alive. It completely changed my perspective about age in the music business and on fearing what people thought about me. Life is too precious and too short, and I want to do all that I can to enjoy it and make a difference. I want to live unapologetically and get in touch with the kid inside me. I really feel we are in a spiritual classroom, learning to be the best we can be and to love to the best of our abilities.

What are you most excited for in the months ahead?
Oh, my goodness! Well, every day I’m excited about spending time with my husband and our fur babies! I just love being married to a great man who I trust. On the music side, we just released a song for International Women’s Day called “Woman to Woman,” which is about women lifting up other women. This summer, we are coming out with an upbeat song called “Never Too Late,” which is about going for your dreams, no matter your age. It’s about making the rest of your life the best of your life. Early fall, for my wedding anniversary, I have a sexy song coming out that’s dedicated to my husband. Other than that, I will be speaking and singing at different conferences and events, and having the privilege to help others.

BUY ISSUE 26