PHOTOGRAPHED BY: Guillaume Thomas
WORDS BY: Kimberly Haddad
You are an American-born designer, sexologist, and author based in Paris. Talk to us about your design aesthetic as well as your explorations within the spirituality and erotic realms. My work, no matter the medium I am using, is inspired by the erotic body and the related body- mind-spirit connection.
You were born in Virginia. Your mother was a British artist and Civil rights activist and your father was an American helicopter pilot and inventor. What was your childhood like and in what ways did growing up in a female-dominated family influence you as a person and artist?
My childhood was spent on the Appalachian trail. It was safe and very beautiful. My mother lost custody of my three sisters and myself in 1972 in a very racially charged divorce, so I was actually raised by my father and my two elder sisters from the age of four. My father was in truth, very absent and my sisters and I were often alone in a big Victorian house in Tazewell, which I called home until I was 15. Living close to nature shaped me. It gave me a deep sense of connection to all living things. I think that the absence of parenting, adult guidance, and protection in general is what led me to be very independent. I was raised, for the most part, by my eldest sister who was just a child herself. This certainly made me the liberated woman that I am today. After all, a child’s perspective in child rearing is far more liberal than a mother’s could ever be!
At what age or time in your life did you realize that you were a creative being and what led you to becoming the multifaceted woman and artist you are today?
My mother was an activist and an artist. Even though she was not granted custody and I was denied the right to see her until I was 12 years old, I had her DNA. My father was also an artist in his own right, and I was always encouraged to be creative. I played the piano and I always loved to draw. I played in my father’s woodworking studio whenever he was home. He taught me how to carve and encouraged me to use my hands to sculpt, paint, and explore the power of my creative mind. Your Paradise Found Fine Erotic Jewelry collection became a path- way to empowering both women and men to celebrate sensuality and share greater pleasure.
How did you discover this creative niche and what experiences have inspired this daring concept?
My first erotic collection was inspired by The Story of O in 1992. I called it Sado-chic and sold it in a beautiful store called Luisa Via Roma, where I had a dedicated vitrine. At the time, I was also modeling and teaching goldsmithing for an international metalsmithing studio in Florence. In 1994, I moved to Milan to study industrial design at Domus Academy. I wanted to work for the future—a better future—and I knew that my responsibility as an artist and a designer was to make people’s lives more enjoyable. The realm of intimacy and pleasure design had not yet been explored, or better yet, it was still totally ignored by the design world. Shortly after I got my master’s degree, I decided to focus on erotic design, pleasure enhancement, and sexual wellness. There was a gaping “white space”, a real void in the market, and I wanted to fill it. I was ahead of my time and most people told me that I was crazy. I became accustomed to being judged, misinterpreted, and I was categorized as a pervert. This only served to reinforce my belief that I was doing something useful with my time. The world has come a long way in the past 30 years, but when it comes to dismantling the pleasure taboo, there is still a lot of work to be done. I am blessed to have found my path at such a tender age and to see my work evolving every day. The Boudoir Bible, currently translated in nine languages, is a divine instructional guide to the contemporary sexual landscape—covering “new territories” like bondage, role play, tools, as you call them (not toys), and techniques that push our sensual horizons far beyond the limits of phallocentric lovemaking.
How did you initially embark upon this project and what was the creative process like throughout its development?
When I started to design erotic jewelry, I had a lot of push back from the retailers who carried my designs, so I stopped showing the collection to buyers and privileged private collectors only until 1996. During a meeting with the head buyer of Barneys NYC, I unveiled a few new pieces from the Sado-chic series, and she almost fainted after telling me that she did not want to see the collection because there was no way Barneys could sell it alongside their more traditional and fashion-oriented jewelry lines. I realized that I was really hitting a nerve and somehow, I also knew that this was a good thing, that I must be doing something that was really important. I learned that when you hit a nerve, you have to listen to the verve it generates, but I continued to work under the radar until the attack on the Twin Towers in 2001. This was a turning point for the entire world and for me personally. It made me decide to focus on spreading love and the power of deep intimacy because it was obviously the only thing the world needed more of. I promptly abandoned all of my other projects and focused on Paradise Found, but there were still no stores or galleries that dared to carry my Fine Erotic jewelry collection. So, I decided to face the fact that in order to continue working with enhanced pleasure, love, and sexual satisfaction in mind, I would also have to become an educator. I started to teach workshops for small groups with the support of private clubs in Europe and in the United States, as well for Coco-de-Mer in London, but I realized that it wasn’t democratic enough. I realized that I wasn’t going to really change the world’s limited vision when it comes to enhanced sexual satisfaction and the important role it plays in a healthier, happier life. So, in 2006 I decided I would take the leap and write a book. In 2013, The Boudoir Bible was finally published by Rizzoli International and I am currently celebrating the ninth translation in my other mother tongue—Italian.
Define “sexual anthropologist” as it pertains to you and your life.
My work revolves around the study of all things sexual—past and present. In order to innovate and build a better future, we must know our history. I am often asked about why our sexuality is still suppressed, why the relevance of our pleasure is still denied. There are many answers to these questions, but essentially sex is power and sexual satisfaction is empowering. Sadly, in spite of all the advances made, sexual knowledge and understanding are still not transmitted to society as a whole because the success of our consumeristic system depends on our dissatisfaction, our disempowerment. Monotheism shattered the body-mind-spirit equation and we have yet to restore the sacred back into the divine, creative, and recreational force that is our sexuality. I am convinced that until our sexuality is celebrated rather than censored, we will not know peace. Sex is sacred.
While you embrace a provocative and ultra-edgy aesthetic, are you ever afraid or concerned about being judged by others or worried about how you or your creativity is perceived? Walt Whitman once said, “Be curious, not judgmental”. I am a pro-pleasure sexual activist and artist. I celebrate the importance of pleasure in our lives and have no shame, therefore, I cannot be shamed. Nor do I care to care, in any way, about what judgmental people may think or have to say about my life’s work and mission in sexual wellness. My collectors and readers are amazing, life-loving individuals who understand the value of pleasure in our lives, and not in our sex lives. Those who feel the need to judge only limit themselves. Judgement is a mirror of their fear. I am curious and I live and work in the opposite of fear, which is love. And the frequency of love is exactly what comes back to me.
What obstacles, if any, have you had to deal with in your life or career? What are the biggest challenges you have had in the realm of your art?
The biggest challenge has been to stay in the light and above the dark surface of shame. I have not done this alone and I am grateful to have been loved and supported along the way. In 2022, my Paradise Found Fine Erotic jewelry collection will celebrate 30 years since its inception and I recently celebrated 20 years since I decided to openly embark on my mission to empower adults to experience and share greater pleasure. In 2022, Rizzoli International will publish a book that is devoted to 30 years of my erotic jewelry designs. I took advantage of the time Covid granted us to wrap a ribbon around my past and I am very excited about what the future holds. The biggest impediment I currently face is social media banning and censorship, both on and offline. Thanks to 1stDibs, which is currently my exclusive reseller for the fine jewelry collections, I am able to swerve the near detrimental banning of my work on social media.
What role does spirituality and culture play in your creative endeavors?
My brain thrives when it is alternately cultivated and calmed. I am a lifelong practitioner of Vipassana and other forms of mediation. I create, love, and live through the interdependence of body, mind, and spirit. I’m like a cultural bulimic and spirit is also culture. I need to be learning constantly in order to be happy and thriving creatively. Where the mind goes the body follows and vice versa, but spirit always sets the pace. My creative process is organic. There is always an element of surprise. I never know what’s next. I believe that embedding technology in what I do will be very much part of my future creations. I have recently enjoyed collaborating on a series of NFTs that have audio experiences attached to them. I believe that I may be able to use the blockchain to circumvent the issues that I have with censorship online. I sense that NFTs could be the answer to the anti-sex education, anti-academic, and general anti-culture antics that social media perpetuates. Time will tell.
Is there anything that you haven’t done yet that you feel compelled to achieve in the future? Explain.
Before Covid turned the world upside down, I was preparing to start a two-year PhD program in neuroscience and mental health. I was also working on a totally self-sufficient off-the-grid house project in Italy, but both projects were halted by the pandemic. I will pick up the pieces and resume as soon as things are clear. In the meantime, I continue to evolve my online clinical hypnotherapy practice when I am not working in the ateliers in Italy or researching opportunities to bring technology to my design work. I will spend the rest of the year tying ribbons around the past, so that I can start unwrapping the many gifts that the future has in store. Upwards and onwards.
